When people talk about what they’d hypothetically do in an extreme situation, it’s almost always bullshit. Panic is a powerful thing. It can’t be accounted for. That’s why, instead of me harping on about how my cross-country S-Class towing-a-trailer experiment went swimmingly, I’ll share the panic-filled tale of how it came to a screeching halt.
For those of you wondering why you’re looking at a trailer being towed by a 16-year-old Mercedes-Benz S-Class, it’s because I decided to move from New Jersey to Florida without checking if U-Haul had any trucks I could use without having my bank account balance look like eastern European hackers won my card number in a sketchy poker game.