This would look a lot more quaint with some snow. And (Photo Credit: Andrew Collins)

I freaking live for the two-to-four weeks a year it’s socially acceptable to turn my truck into a rolling preschool crafts project. Bring on the bows, wreaths and superfluous blinking lights!

Something tells me “Christmas decorations on cars” will be unpopular with the automotive enthusiasts who make up our base of readers. And I’m sorry to preemptively say you’re wrong, but I really needed an excuse to share these pictures of how pretty my Scout looks.

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I started hanging ornaments on my vehicles two trucks ago, when I slung a wreath over the brush guard of my white Land Rover Discovery because of some aggressive compulsion to fit in with the richer kids in my suburb. And then I had myself a tradition!

Last year, my Toyota needed any help it could get to look a little more lively. Which is why that vehicle’s no longer with us.

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This year the identity crisis between my Scout’s doomsday-prepper motif and the whimsy of a red ribbon is just hilarious.

But I can’t really blame my love of a good grille wreath on the sense of irony I picked up during my weekend in New York City.

I feel like the contrast of tree limbs and gentle bows on formed steel softens the parade of severe car faces marching down our roads.

A wreath on a grille ostensibly says, “Merry Christmas.” But I just see “cheer up. Relax. Don’t take this shit too seriously.”

But, oh, I almost forgot– there’s a special place in hell for anybody who defiles this sacred season with window-mounted reindeer antlers.